I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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