somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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