I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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