I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
