I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Randomize
