i don't plan on having that self control this summer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
