soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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