I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They are going to name an STD after you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
