How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
