A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
