"it" just moved
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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