She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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