I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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