I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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