i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
