It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
