You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
