we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
