Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
