I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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