Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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