Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
