Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
