I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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