you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
