I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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