yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
