Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
