Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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