areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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