So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
