halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
