just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
