Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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