I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
