Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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