Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
