I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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