I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
