Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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