he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
