that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
