Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
