Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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