Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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