Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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