he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
