When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
