And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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