she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
